honestwalk

I Trust in God

Fri, 29 Dec 2023 21:15:47 GMT

Blog Post #6 I Trust in God

We’ve all heard the word “trust” millions of times throughout our lives, but what does it really mean? According to Google it means, “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.”

Let me tell you what that means to me; NOTHING. I trust no one! I have never trusted anyone. I have never believed that anyone could truly have my best interest at heart. We see a world where most people look out for themselves and will turn on you at the drop of a dime. I have been lied to, heartbroken, and neglected just as much as all of us have, so who would I ever trust? Is it possible to fully trust another human on this planet? I do not believe so.

The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:5- 5

This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

who draws strength from mere flesh

and whose heart turns away from the Lord.”

The Bible also says in verse 9: The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? We are all broken and sinful creatures. However, I do believe with all my heart that we are called to love one another through it all; through the pain, the hurt, and the sorrow.

So, in all honesty, the word TRUST should only be reserved for God. By trusting God, we recognize some critical truths: God knows what we do not. God sees all the pieces and understands how they all fit together.

For most of us, that is a difficult concept to grasp. We want to know the how and why right now! Letting go and trusting God is a scary thing. It means we have to realize that we are not in control of our lives like we think.

In the morning, I open my eyes and routinely tell myself I am in control. By the time I get in the car and begin driving, I realize that was a lie in itself! By the time I turn my lights on in the classroom and my 1 ^st period students angrily enter my room, I realize quickly my life is literally in God’s hands! I have no idea how they will act or what catastrophe will occur by the end of 6 ^th period, because it always does!

By the evening, I close my eyes and pray giving it all to God. I might beg, I might cry, and I might try and convince God as to why I should win the lottery, but I take a deep breath and exhale and trust in God. I know he has me. I know he is by my side and provides. I know that all things work together in his glory for the good.

So take a minute, take a deep breath, and exhale. Know where you are at this moment is where God needs you to be. Continue to pray and be obedient. One day it will all make sense, and we will be shown the beauty of it all. But for now, just let it all go and Trust in God <3

Elevation Worship

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine
He's been my fourth man in the fire, time after time
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood
And what He did for me on Calvary is more than enough

I trust in God, my Savior
The one who will never fail
He will never fail

Hard Heart

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 19:40:57 GMT

Blog Post #5 Hard Heart....

Woke up this morning with a hard heart. I wasn’t feeling well and was slightly irritated (to say the least) that I had made a commitment to deliver meals to homebound elderly. Yes, I know I sound like a monster! When I volunteered for this position at the beginning of the summer, I was so excited about helping others and doing something that was meaningful and would glorify God. So, why am I grumbling about it now? The answer is simple: I am a selfish human being. I WANT to help others, but only when I feel like it. There’s that whole commandment you know, “love thy neighbor” well I seriously struggle with that one!

In that particular moment I’m always excited and want to do everything for everyone, until the time comes. Then I am resentful for offering and just want to climb back into bed with the covers over my head for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, this has really become an issue in my daily life. I am the same way when it comes to my job. When my alarm goes off at 4:45 am, I am not one who simply hits the snooze. Oh no, I say a cuss word and throw my phone on the floor angry at myself for becoming a teacher instead of a lawyer like I secretly wanted.

So, I get dressed angry, I brush my teeth angry, and I throw my lunch in my teacher bag angry, like the choices I made in life were my turkey sandwich’s fault! But it’s always the same routine. I back my car out of the driveway narrowly missing my neighbor’s ankle-biting dogs and prepare myself for the hour-long ride to hell- of course I am exaggerating, but at that moment I always feel like when the bell rings, I will be greeted by 30 demons just as angry as I am.

This is NOT happiness to me, but as I drive to work or any other commitment I make, I sit there with a sour face and shout to the Lord to PLEASE remind me where my joy comes from. AND he always reminds me it is from him and him ALONE! Then suddenly my face always begins to soften and my heart starts to warm. I begin to remember why I am a Christian: I love our Lord and truly want to serve others.

By God’s grace we have been set apart from worldly pursuits of greatness. We are called to serve others with the grace and love that God has entrusted to us. God rewards those who give their time, money, and talents to help others in need. In God’s upside-down Kingdom, those who serve are the greatest of all, reflecting the character of Jesus himself, “who came not to be served but to serve” (Matthew 20:28).

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:4-8).

When I read these scriptures, it reminds me of my favorite Christian song, My Jesus, by Todd Agnew. He sings:

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

I already know the answer to his question. For me personally, I want to be like My Jesus. So, I may begin whatever task that is required for the day bitter and sulky, but I always try to end it feeling humble, grateful, and, although it will never be enough, somewhat satisfied. Satisfied that I served others and hope that I made him proud.

If you struggle with this too, read those scriptures and just try and remember where our true joy comes from- our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

He Loves Me Anyway

Mon, 05 Jun 2023 22:01:37 GMT

Blog Post #4 He Loves Me Anyway

by D. Marie

First let me say- I have no fancy testimony. I have known Jesus since I was little bitty. Have I stayed on the right path all these years? Unfortunately, no. I should not feel shame, but I do. I should not feel embarrassment, but I do. God tells us to come to him and lay everything at his feet, and trust me, I do WEEKLY! But sometimes I can’t help but still feel unworthy of his love.

The simple thought that God can hear my thoughts, terrifies me. How can I show my face in church every Sunday or any Sunday for that matter. I stand next to others that seem so put together and pure. The love of Jesus is written all over their faces, their raised hands, and their loving smiles. I am so focused on finding the perfect seat in the balcony so that I won’t be too close to someone or accosted by their cologne, that I miss opportunities to smile back and love on others. God must be disappointed in me, right?

My gut reactions are always the same. I get frustrated because of how distracted I am by the babies crying, people shouting “AMEN”, people scrolling through Instagram on their phones, and sometimes by the freaking hats people are wearing! The first 5 minutes of my arrival consists of contemplating my early exit. I am truly a sad case.

Then, the worship music begins. One of our worship leaders once said that sometimes she just stands there, not moving or lifting her hands in worship until she knows her heart is ready. Sometimes, I find myself going through the motions, and I think about that. I think that those words I am singing mean something to God, so if they are coming out of my mouth, I better mean them! But sometimes, I feel like a fraud. I certainly mean them at 10:35am Sunday morning, but at 5:00 Sunday evening, I can’t stand humanity all over again. So, what in the devil is wrong with me? I still don’t know. Something inside is broken, but I am working on it.

I picture the obligatory fork in the road. One side is filled with sin, anxiety, anger, sickness, while the other is overflowing with the love of Jesus. So, why do we seem to take the wrong one? And I don’t mean sometimes, I mean ALWAYS. I start out on the wrong path. I run and skip and jump on the wrong path! I run like a 2-year-old child who just wiggled her way out of her mother’s grip! I hurt for a day, maybe two, sometimes more, but I always come back. I ALWAYS come back to my father. Sometimes kicking, pouting, ashamed, and making promises that I will try and do better next time. God knows I will fail again, we ALL will. But I one thing is for certain: HE LOVES ME ANYWAY.

I am the thorn in your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
But You love me anyway
See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face

With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night I still call out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh God, how You love me
Yes You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

-Sidewalk Prophets

Jeremiah 31:3

3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

* I pray for those who mess up daily, who struggle to be around others, unforgiving thoughts, severe anxiety, and those who feel unworthy of God’s love. Remember there is NOTHING we can’t come back from. Let him love you because He Loves You Anyway! In Jesus name.

Out With the Old, in With the New!

Thu, 29 Dec 2022 01:28:25 GMT

Blog #3: Fill Me With the Holy Spirit

As far back as I can remember, we as a society have always been excited at the possibilities that come when the clock strikes midnight on December 31 ^st every year. We are filled with joy and wonder at what the new year might bring.

Some of us are busy making lists, googling a new diet and exercise routine- because THIS year will be the year we lose weight and get fit! Others (myself included), however, spend this time reflecting on what this past year has put us through- the ups and downs, highs and lows.

For me, this was by far the worst year of my life. If not but for the grace of God, I wouldn’t have survived. I lost my father to the big C, our family dog passed, and my daughter, my first born, left and moved 2 states away with only a few weeks’ notice.

Honestly, the only thing that gives me a chuckle is the fact it sounds like my life has become one big fat country song! LOL! I grew up on country. My dad forced me to listen to Randy Travis and Dolly Parton until I wanted to plug my ears with cement, but eventually I caved and became a country addict- but I NEVER actually wanted to LIVE one of their songs.

But here I am. 3 days away from 2023, and I am trying like the dickens to find the positives. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? I can’t say just yet, but I am reading the inspirational quotes, studying positive affirmations, and writing in my brand spanking new planner. All signs are pointing to me having the best year ever, right?

Not even close. The greatest lesson I’ve learned this year is that I am NOT in control- God is. Period. I lost 2 of the most important people in my life and am left with a ridiculous ginormous hole in my heart. What planner is going to fix that? There is only one- the Bible.

One of the most eye-opening words of wisdom I received this year was that we do not do things alone. We might think we are all alone, but the holy spirit is ALWAYS there! I could not have made it through this year without the strength and guidance of the holy spirit. The times when I crumbled and couldn’t speak, the holy spirit took over.

As we write out our New Year’s Eve goals this year, it’s great to have fitness, sleep, mental stability, and an all-around healthier lifestyle, but I challenge you to consider the holy spirit as well. Add it to your resolutions and let it guide you in your words, strength, and wisdom. And Pray. Pray. Pray.

Heavenly Father, thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to comfort us in our weaknesses. You give us strength when we cannot take another step. Guide us into all truth, remind us of your ways, and give us boldness to testify about what you’re doing in our lives. You shape and mold us into a purer reflection of your Son. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

*Reminder:

Holy Spirit, you are welcome here

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere

Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for

To be overcome by Your presence, Lord

Your presence, Lord

-Francesca Battistelli Holy Spirit

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last" Mathew 20:16

Thu, 29 Dec 2022 00:28:33 GMT

Blog Post #2: So the last will be first, and the first will be last – Mathew 20:16 Nov. 10 2022

It is no secret that I was born and raised around the Catholic church. I do not claim that my feelings are a direct result from the church teachings or just some notions I inherited based on the people I surrounded myself with but thinking back, I had such an immature and selfish idea of God and the church, starting with the idea that only people who lived a good life should be allowed in Heaven.

I used to laugh at people who claimed to be “saved” or “born again.” It used to make me cringe when people asked if I was saved! I thought it was such a pretentious self-righteous act to ask others that deeply personal and private question. I know now it was because I didn’t quite fully understand what it meant to receive God’s grace.

For as long as I can remember, I struggled with the idea that anyone can enter the kingdom of Heaven- murderers, pedophiles, and such. I didn’t believe that a person like me would be doomed to spend eternity with the likes of “those” sinners. Boy did I have a lot to learn!

I truly believed that the ONLY way to heaven was going to church every Sunday, trying to complete as many good works as possible, and covering myself in holy water. Now, I do still love my holy water- but I see things a bit differently.

In the book of Mathew chapter 20 vs. 1-16, Jesus uses a parable of the Workers in the Vineyard to explain God’s generosity- which helped me realize I have been wrong all those years!

*Quick summary: early morning, a landowner goes out to find workers for his vineyard. He agrees to pay them a day’s wage. He goes out in the afternoon, finding more workers agreeing to pay them a fair wage as well. Finally, he goes out near the end of the day, hires more workers and again, agrees to pay them a fair wage. When the day is done, he pays all of his workers the same pay, regardless of when they started. The ones who started in the morning grumbled, feeling like they were cheated since they were paid the same wage as those who worked less. They had no right to dispute someone else’s generosity. Jesus said, “So, the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

The bible tells us there is rejoicing in Heaven even if just one person repents and is saved. It does not matter what they have done, or if they are 16 or 85. We can never be saved because of anything we ‘ve done- ONLY because of what Jesus has done. So this took some deep prayer and serious humbling for me to understand that even though I might not be considered the “worst of the worst” in society, I am an equal sinner- not worthy enough of Heaven.

I have always loved Jesus- even as a little girl- but the moment I realized that a church is a place for the sick and not the self-righteous, I was truly “saved.”

I pray for those who are struggling with a feeling of insecurity- they do not feel worthy of God’s love. Maybe the feeling that they have sinned too much or are afraid they are too far gone. Lord, please wrap them in your love and mercy so they too will be made new, and they may see the world in a different light, and even though NONE of us deserve it, receive your forgiveness and grace. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

*Reminder:

Now I'm alive to tell the story

How I’ve overcome

It’s His goodness and mercy

And the power the blood

I'm so glad that my freedom

Wasn’t based on what I’ve done

But His goodness and mercy

And the power of the blood

Was the cross meant for me?

That my Savior carried

Now I’ve been made free

By the mercy of God

-Ben Fuller

Welcome to the Honest Walk

Sun, 06 Nov 2022 23:00:20 GMT

I've Never Been More Loved Than I am Right Now

4:45am alarm violently blares. My eyes aren't even half opened and already, I hate the day. How am I expected to put God first in everything I do when I just want to climb back under the covers and watch 20,000 endless hours of Desperate Housewives or Love is Blind? I know it's excessive and definitely NOT what the Lord would want from me, but what do you do if that is all you can do? The amount of times I have asked myself that is almost embarrassing.

Instead, I put my feet on the floor and grumble to the bathroom. I cuss in my head while I brush my teeth. I ask God why I have the job I do. I secretly pray for another pandemic so I can stay home and not come face to face with another living soul. My husband calls me cranky and tells me to cheer up.

But it's not that simple. When we know the aggravation and struggles we are going to face, it literally takes an act of God to fake a smile. At least it does for me.

How many of you can relate? That feeling of being torn in a million directions. Always doing everything in the world for everyone else and nothing for yourself. Losing that spark; your identity. If you continue that way, you will burn out, and it won't be pretty. I speak from experience.

So, I bite the fricking bullet and put on my seatbelt and drive the dreadful hour to work praying for patience and the hope that I can reach just one kid so my job doesn't feel like a complete waste.

It takes me at least 30 minutes before I turn on my worship music and force myself to listen to some " happy" or "grateful" worship song that tells me I should be full of joy for Lord. Don't get me wrong, I want to. I love Jesus with all my heart- I have since I was a little girl. But as a woman, mother, and teacher, and someone who has lost way too many loved ones in their life, this is an honest struggle. Bitterness. Lack of joy.

Believe me, I have been lower than low- filled with hate and sorrow. I've thrown plenty of pity parties. I've broken plenty of dishes. I've thrown plenty of cell phones. I am not proud- but I am human.

A few months ago, I was at my lowest. No one knew. I am sure there are many of you walking around feeling the same while your loved ones and friends are oblivious. It is extremely unfortunate, but as much as I grumbled about this lack of joy for life and the Lord, I told myself one thing over and over: Jesus cares. He knows what I am going through. He knows what's happening and why I am filled with the hate and angry, and until he is ready for me to to be different, I will learn to be content in this awful season. I will learn to be obedient (which is the true sign of your love of God) and trust that he loves me in all my failures and flaws. All my grouchiness and crankiness. All my ungratefulness and self loathing. Does Jesus want us to live this way? No, of course not. But he wants us to know he loves us unconditionally whether we have joy in the moment or shake our fist and shout at the sky.

He loves us. Oh, how he loves us. What an amazing gift. John 15:9 says " As the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." Yes, it is that simple.

I pray for those of you that feel lost, exhausted, unappreciated, unheard, angry, bitter and depressed. May the Lord meet you where you are- at your lowest- and that you feel his love. That you know God has a plan for you and it will be revealed when he feels you are ready. I pray you have the strength to remain patient and obedient while going through these storms, and that you always keep your eyes fixed on him. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

Reminder: You are loved beyond measure, so no matter how much anger or bitterness you may feel down in your soul and all the ugliness you might feel inside and out, you've NEVER been more loved than you are right now- Maverick City Music.